Teach Them the Commandments of Jesus Christ So They Have Something to Believe In

Mat 28:18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Expect Nothing in Return from Them: Give, Give, Give

Expect nothing in return from the person you are trying to help. God is your reward. It is hard to help people who exit cults because they are often very messed up. It's even harder for some previous cult members to help those exiting because they may still be practicing the same abusive behaviors and have not healed or fully healed themselves. There are ways around this if certain primary principles are followed. Please pay careful attention to what I write. I am not just writing to enjoy my words on the web.

Get Help Yourself From God, Ask Help From God

Mat 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Mat 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Mat 7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Mat 7:4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Mat 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
Mat 7:6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
Mat 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
Mat 7:8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Mat 7:9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
Mat 7:10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
Mat 7:11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
Mat 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

Follow Principles. Don't Micromanage

There are principles practiced around the world that work. They work regardless of race, culture, creed or any geography or upbringing. The reward for following them is self-evident and does not depend on anyone else.

The first two commandments of God:

1. Love God with all your heart soul mind and strength. My comments: Without knowing God, I didn't know how to love others.
2. Love your neighbor as yourself. My comments: Don't love your neighbor more than yourself. This is idolatry. Don't love them less than yourself, this is selfishness. Treat them like you want to be treated. As the founding fathers of North America said in their ratified July 4th, 1776 Declaration of Independence, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator..."

There is no help without God. Again, I repeat, there is no help without God. The only help you will get will come from God and his Word. This is the quickest way to get help and to give help. Anything else is less helpful and will lead to confusion which does not help.

Instruct in Meekness

2Ti 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2Ti 2:23 But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.
2Ti 2:24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
2Ti 2:25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
2Ti 2:26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.

These are facts I have gathered over the years. If you see anything that is wrong or needs clarifying etc, Please, please contact me.

Think about These Things

Listen

People who exit cults need someone to talk with. Actually they need someone to talk to. Here is how I have learned to listen:

• When they are upset at someone, I listen and nod my head or say short phrases to let them know that I hear them and care about how they feel. If they ask for advice, I encourage them to treat the person they are upset at how they would want to be treated. I often encourage them to talk with that person directly to resolve it (that's how I would want to be treated)
• When they want to share their day, I listen to how they felt, what they did and make comments like "wow, you had a busy day" or express empathy "Sounds like you had a hard day. I'm sorry". I don't make it my responsibility to make the other person happy. I care for them, but I am responsible for my own problems and they for theirs. I can try to help, but ultimately it is their responsibility.
• Don't be a trash can. If they are upset at someone, don't wear yourself down listening to it each day. Remind them to confront the person. If they don't, you can ask them not to treat you this way (by telling you their same problem that they aren't handling in the right way). You can ask them "Would you like me to tell my grudges against someone each day? If not, please don't treat me this way.

Praise Them

Cults use withholding of praise to manipulate people. They use flattery to make them proud so they can be destroyed. You can praise your neighbor when they do things that help you and others. Excessive praise is excessive and is flattery. Insincere praise to manipulate people is flattery and obvious.

Teach Them

People who come out of cults need taught. They need knowledge that can actually benefit their lives.

1. Basic hygiene. When they clean up, comb their hair and dress nice then encourage them by saying "you look great today". If they don't feel good about themselves, they probably won't dress well. They need to feel good inside first before it shows on the outside.
2. Get a job or start a service-oriented business. Being productive in society in a righteous business will improve their feeling of self-worth. This is huge. Often when people exiting cults catch onto how others love good service, they may work long hours and hard days for the praise of satisfied customers. I have experienced this big time.
3. Help them establish healthy friendships gradually. Friends help us with our thoughts and feelings. They can give us rides or help in emergencies. Friendship is hard for a former cult member. They are more comfortable often with abusive relationships instead. These new friends need to understand the difficulty in the relationship that is likely to ensue and to understand this friendship will be more about giving (in time, emotion, energy) and getting (mostly from God, not friend :)

Faults

Everyone seems to have faults, especially me. I cringe to write down my faults. I would have to immediately burn the paper! or confess my faults to my friends! What helps me the most when I see a cult member's obvious faults is what Jesus taught "Mat 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. " Jesus didn't say to not help others, but to help ourselves first so that we could help others. Another thing is that helps me is in:

Galations 6: "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. "

I have often tried to better myself by telling others about other people's faults. Clearly this is not the recommendation of the scripture. We are to expose evil, certainly. The light and life of Jesus Christ is a great disinfectant.

Paul's Letter to the Romans, Chapter 12

(Starting verse 9 is appropriate for those helping exiting cult members.)

Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Tear Down Strongholds

Find the beliefs of the cult and document them. Understand what they mean in their beliefs. Define each word. Often they have different meanings for words that you do. Or you may not know the real meaning of words (because of own experiences). Find scripture to disinfect these erroneous beliefs. Encourage the cult member when they believe something that is true. Show them their error when they say something is false.