2x2 Jokes

This is the 9th most popular page on this website, for obvious reasons. The pain of exiting the cult is eased with humor. So here's a few 2x2 jokes to lighten things up.

You know you're a 2x2 when people who tell jokes are bitter, church buildings are evil and you are proud that your preachers aren't educated.

Secrecy

You know you are a 2x2 when you cannot tell anyone you've read this.

You know you're a 2x2 when keeping your TV in a closet makes you more righteous when the workers come over.

You know you're a 2x2 girl when you're afraid to tell your "worldly" boyfriend about your religion.

You know you are a 2x2 when you don't use your real name when posting on ex-2x2 message boards.

You know you're a 2x2 when you are afraid one of the "friends" might see you at a movie theater.

You know you're a 2x2 when you can't tell any of your friends about a great movie you just watched.

2x2 Meeting Jokes

You know you are a 2x2 when you can sum up a whole meeting in one or two sentences.

You know you are a 2x2 when the workers "don't take collections", you just pass them money (cash or money order) in a secret handshake after meetings. (Ever wonder why workers have to shake everyone's hand?)

You know you are a 2x2 if you stand up, read a verse of the Bible, say "I want to be a good example" and then sit down nearly every Sunday.

You don't agree with what the workers say but you go to meetings anyway.

You know you're a 2x2 when you've gone to meetings for 30 years and can't list the ten commandments from memory.

You know you're a 2x2 when they post watch at meetings to keep people from reading the flyers.

You know you are a 2x2 when your are more concerned about bringing people to meetings instead of telling them about Christ

You know you're a 2x2 when you enjoy talking about what the workers said last meeting but you haven't a clue about the meaning of the parable of the sower and the seed.

You know you're a 2x2 when it's a sin to not go to meetings but it's OK to tell a lie.

You know you are a 2x2 when you are obsessed with going to meetings but don't have fellowship with Christians

You know you are a 2x2 if your favorite part of meeting is when the worker mentions the words "in closing..."

Finances

I was talking to a 2x2 and explaining how it was a sin to financially support workers who are teaching lies in God's name. I went on and on a bit. He waits till I'm done and then says "I guess I'm not to big of a sinner then" :)

You know you're a 2x2 when you gave $5 to the workers last year and felt generous.

You know you are a 2x2 when your wealthy elder invests money in the stock market for the workers

You know you are a 2x2 when you don't know how the workers had money to pay for another meeting shed.

Conventions

You know you're a 2x2 when you don't have no church property, doesn't have a "headquarters" and the air conditioners they buy at convention are "for the cows".

You know you are a 2x2 if when 100 or more people stand up, read a verse they don't understand, and then say "I want to have more faith" or "I want to be like that" and you call it a "convention".

You know you are a 2x2 when you don't have no church building, and the convention shed with water fountains in it is really for "storage".

You know you are a 2x2 when something must be true if you "heard it from the platform".

Jokes about 2x2 Beliefs

You know you are a 2x2 if there are two types of people in the world: those who profess and those who don't.

You don't even know what "sin" is but you feel guilty for everything you do.

You know you are a 2x2 when you define your religion by unbelief. Examples: Don't believe in TV, no women in pants, no educated preachers, no church buildings, no name, no open collections (just money in handshakes), no creed, no published doctrine etc.

You know you're a 2x2 when your fundamental beliefs are about form and appearance: "meetings in the home", "homeless ministers", women wearing their hair in buns and "workers that go out in pairs".

You know you're a 2x2 when you believe preachers are commanded to sell everything and give it to the poor and you cannot find a verse to support it. (cause it's not in the Bible)

You know you're a 2x2 when you think the kingdom of heaven is the 2x2 cult and Jesus didn't know what he was talking about in his parables.

You know you are a 2x2 when you understand "so much" of the Bible but cannot explain your religion to other people.

You know you are a 2x2 when you think Jesus was a "good man" but don't believe He is God.

You know you're a 2x2 when you aren't sure if you're saved or whether you're going to heaven.

You know you're a 2x2 when you love your religion so much but are afraid to pass out invitations.

You know you're a 2x2 when God has chosen to reveal his truth to you but everyone else is going to hell. And then you're really puzzled because you try to explain your religion to other people, the say you are a cult and run away.

Workers

You know you're a 2x2 when you went into "the work" but got out because of "emotional issues".

You know you are a 2x2 when the workers tell you how much they've "sacrificed" for you.

You know you are a 2x2 when you worship the workers and don't know much about God.

You know you're a 2x2 when you have two men or women over and invite them to sleep in the same bed!!!

You know you are a 2x2 when you wonder if one of the workers is gay but they will never tell.

You think that the way is right but it's just that the workers are wrong.

Behaviors

You know you are a 2x2 when people talk to you about the cult and you want to plug your ears and run away.

You know you are a 2x2 when you ask someone else (who you think might be a 2x2): Do you know "[overseer name here] instead of asking them if they are a Christian.

You know you are a 2x2 if you flinch when people say "Praise the LORD".

You know you are a 2x2 when the adults are to be like children and children are to act like adults.

Slander and Libel

You know you are a 2x2 when almost everyone who leaves the cult has "started their own church".

You know you are a 2x2 when people who leave the cult and become a Christian have "lost out".

You believe that slander and libel is a great way to protect "the truth".

You know you are a 2x2 when people who don't come to meetings any more are "just bitter".

Not organized yet

You call the fellow believers friends and yet you feel like you have no friends.

You think the word "humble" or "meek" means letting the workers think for you.

You know you are a 2x2 if you get a lot of spiritual spam from workers.

You know you are a 2x2 if you think you're saved by going to meetings in the home.

You know you are a 2x2 when: you obey the elders, the elders obey the workers, the workers obey the overseer and you don't know who the overseer obeys.

You know you are a 2x2 if things just don't add up and problems multiply.

You know you are a 2x2 when someone uses "I'm going to tell the workers on you" to get you to do something for them.

You know when you're a 2x2 when you laugh at these jokes but are afraid to tell them to your 2x2 friends.